Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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