Swine flu. Run for my life!
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
