he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
