it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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