So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dignity is for republicans.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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