he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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