a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
