Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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