this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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