I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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