can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
