what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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