i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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