why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
