I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.