I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.