So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street