Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner