I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours