fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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