I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.