It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
