I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
