In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
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He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
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Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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