My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
