You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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