i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
