I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
