yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
