I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
