glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize