im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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