she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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