Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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