i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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