my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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