why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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