i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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