God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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