So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize