I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
