Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
