Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
