Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
