P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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