my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
