just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
