I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
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we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
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Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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