she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
