My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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