You smell like stripper and shame
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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