so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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