perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
sarcasm needs its own font
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
