Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
