just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
