but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
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I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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