I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
