what day is it and did you see me today?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
