i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
sarcasm needs its own font
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
