i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
