my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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