You smell like a Billy Joel song
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
