I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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