The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
