Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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