We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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