I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
