These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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