drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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