Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
