Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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