Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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