Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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