So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
