when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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