Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
