She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
