my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
