Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
