Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
