Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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