How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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